I gave the scales away!

Well, sort of, Samyson's friend wanted to borrow them, I did explain to her that they were lying bastards and could be very cruel at times :-). I will get them back hopefully this weekend so I can delude myself for a few more days.

Considering we had 2 short weeks in a row, not much to report, it has been so hot I can't be arsed doing anything much. I planned to do some more decluttering, sorting paperwork & cleaning cupboards but it is just too damn hot to do anything except sweat.

Gary was in Palmy last weekend so the kids & I went to Mexicali then to Myann(?), it is a dessert place, VERY expensive & very decadent but nice. Then on Monday I picked Gary up from the airport and we ended up at Wagamama in Sylvia Park, very tasty, and huge meals, next time we will just share a ramen and some endamame beans.

Siobhan has been back & school & despite having to change the subjects she wanted to do (although she is still doing photography), she is enjoying it all heaps - well as much as a teenager likes school.

Tuesday night was Siobhan's birthday, she didn't know where she wanted to go for dinner so we ended up at the local pub, the Postman's Leg. It is really nice (not cheap but not stupid). Gary & Samyson got rather drunk & we ended up with stupid amounts of food, they gave us a complimentary wedges then because the boys had ordered 2 jugs of beer, it came with a free garlic bread! I ate my main meal, one piece of garlic bread and 2 wedges so quite proud of that restraint.

Mum is doing OK, her radiation/chemo has finished and she has the surgeon appointment early March and then she will get her date for surgery & a bit more info about what to expect etc. Her & Dad are in good spirits as far as I can tell, but then that is usual for them, they won't dwell on it with us or worry us. She has been really tired which is one of the side effects, she also has to be careful as to what she eats - very little fibre allowed :-)

Nothing to See Here Folks

Soooo, the whole losing weight thing, not going so well, pretty much no change, one day I am down over a kilo then the next day, to be fair, it is my own fault plus PMS so not too down on myself (much).

We had a really good weekend last week, spent some real family time together which was nice. Saturday we all went to Murder Burger in Ponsonby for lunch - excellent burgers. Samyson wanted to go to Ben & Jerry's for ice cream, we wandered down there and it was packed, also, it was $ 5.90 for ONE scoop!!! On the way back to the car we realised we had been right next door to Dessert Dojo so we got ice cream and photos from the photo booth for $ 3.90 per scoop - which is still expensive but better than the other. It was actually the first time we have ever had photos as a family in a photo booth.

Sunday, Samyson was meeting a friend at Silo Park for lunch and so Gary Siobhan & I dropped him off, wandered around the market and then went to Lawdy Miss Clawdy's for lunch - great cajun food.

Monday, after work we all went to the beach at Browns Bay for a swim, the water was so so warm. It was so much fun, and we literally laughed the whole time. Then fish & chips for dinner.

With the kids getting older and with Samyson in particular being out so much we don't get to do as much as we used to. I do like the fact that the kids never went through that "Oh My God I can't be seen with my parents" phase.

It is a long weekend in Auckland this weekend and the weather is so hot (they keep telling us it is going to rain and there will be thunder & lightning - still waiting. Siobhan & I did the grocery shopping yesterday, it is our Saturday tradition and she insists on coming because she says it is our "bonding time", plus we get a treat to share at Farro which I suspect is part of her motivation.

Not sure what today holds, Samyson is out & Gary & Siobhan are still in bed.

Hmmm, burgers, ice cream, cajun food, fish & chips & "treats" from Farro - gee wonder why I can't lose weight haha.

100g - really???

So weigh in day - a paltry 100g. Not overly amused, I wasn't expecting a huge drop but that was pathetic. Having said that, I have cheated & weighed myself the last few days and it is looking much better.

Started our walking around the block again last night, after 2 1/2 weeks off it wasn't as bad as I expected.

 Yesterday was my friend's Mum's funeral, not a happy occasion, her Dad died just before Christmas and so it was a huge shock that her Mum passed less than 3 weeks later. They were such a close couple, she had a heart attack, broken heart syndrome.

Also back to work yesterday, busy but glad to be back :-).

So Far So Good

Food has been pretty good the last few days, I must admit, I was really hungry yesterday but didn't raid the chocolate or biscuit stashes. I have been drinking heaps of water, I have a goal of at least 1.5l per day, it has been easier than I thought, hopefully I will keep it up when I get back to work next week.

I have been making omelette for lunch. I do need to up the exercise, my up I mean actually do some :-).

I have done the grocery shopping for this week (I like being on holiday) so lots of salad stuff & veges in the house.

Have not reweighed myself yet, will do it on Saturday as that will be a week from last weigh in.

Spoke to Mum last night, so far so good, no side effects from he treatments and according to her latest bloods all is going fine.

Samyson still away camping with friends, from the photos the girls have been posting on FB & his SnapChat stories they are having a great time.

Sio is going swimming shortly with her friend so that will be nice for her to get out of the damn house. I want her to get as much use as possible out of her insanely expensive togs :-)

Hahaha, Siobhan just came out in her new togs (which look AWESOME) and reminded me we are supposed to go to the "fat chick shop" to look for togs for me. She tried to make me feel better by pointing out that "mother of devil spawn child who made us end up in court" is fatter than me, I said that at the moment I have put on so much weight that she is probably either the same or skinnier than me - her response "well lose some weight then she will be fatter than you again". I had to laugh at her logic :-).

Another New Year of the unknown hanging over us!!

The last 2 years we have had the court case hanging over our heads through Christmas New Year, I was looking forward to a stress free time this year, until I had a call from my parents in Christchurch - Mum has been diagnosed with bowel cancer!!! From what they have said, the prognosis is good, she has just started 5 1/2 weeks of radiation combined with chemotherapy (in a pill, didn't even know that was a thing). Once that is over she has a few weeks to get her strength & immune system a break then has an operation to remove what ever is left.

I am trying not to dwell on it and keep positive but it scares me, a lot. I have said I will go down to Christchurch to help out when she has the operation and either me or one of the kids an go down if she gets too ill from the treatments to help out with the cooking & cleaning etc as Dad is working and also, not his strong point, never having to actually do it himself.

In other news, I finally bought new batteries for my bathroom scales, that was a wake up call - time to stop deluding myself - I AM FAT!!! At 5'2" my weight should not start with a 9 (or an 8 or really even a 7). I have started cutting down portion sizes, halved my wine intake and conceded that maybe, just maybe devouring 2 large bars of chocolate a week is not going to help me lose or even maintain my weight - no shit Sherlock.

I have very few clothes that fit me and for a really good wake up call, I went shopping for togs with Siobhan last week. She found a lovely pair, looked good and so her decision made. Me on the other hand, if I could actually squeeze myself into a pair,  there was no way they were going to fit. The ones that actually did get on me, they were all way too small in the boob area, I ended up leaving with  nothing, I had to get out of there as I was so close to tears it wasn't funny. We got to the check out & I assumed Siobhan's togs were a similar price to most of the others, around $ 80 but because they were the "Nancy Gantz" ones, they were .... $ 179!!! I was mortified, but I was also so close to losing the plot & bursting into tears I just paid it & got the hell out of there - got in the car & cried all the way home.   

Needless to say, things need to change. I know there is no point doing anything drastic, from experience, I last maybe 2-3 days before I revert to type. I need to make small changes & stick at it. Before Christmas Gary & I had started going for walks around the block, he is back at work today so we will start doing that again. I know WHAT I have to do, I just need to bloody well do it. There is no point blubbering about it and not changing my habits because that won't help me lose weight, not eating & drinking too much - THAT will help me lose weight, getting off my fat arse more will also move things along.

My goals for January:
- lose 2 kilos
- drink at least 1.5l water each day
- walk around the block at lest 3 times a week
- tidy out the hall cupboard
- sort out and file the insane piles of paper (credit card statements etc) lying around
- pay extra off my credit card & the GEM visa card this month (my aim is to have both of those cleared completely by the end of the year).

I will try & blog on a regular basis to keep myself accountable.

Starting weight on 1 January - 91.7kg. I will do my measurements today also so it will help measure progress. If I can work out how, I will do an online graph showing (hopefully) my progress. I know I will have the kids & Gary's support, I just need to ask for it, and to tell them what I want to achieve. 

It's finally over!!

Friday 13 December 2013 started the worst, most stressful 16 months of our lives. It involved CYFS, Police (not til some 6 weeks of not knowing WTF was going on later), criminal lawyers, Youth Court, remortgaging the house, inordinate amounts of stress & the loss off the friendship of best friends. 

Somewhat ridiculously because of legal reasons, I am not actually allowed to give any details but basically, one messed up kid make an accusation against a member of our family, it was not true and there was never any way it was ever going to be so.

Despite the facts not adding up, to the point of it being actually impossible and there was no actual evidence - physical or otherwise, it ended up in court. 16 months of stress, $ 30,000+ to a lawyer, several court hearings, it ended up in a 3 day trial in court only for the charges to all be dismissed in a very categoric decision by the judge.

This almost tore our family apart and the emotional toll is huge. Gary basically had a breakdown, I tried to stay strong but there were days on end where I would be in tears on the trip to and from work, and any other time I was by myself. I lived on a steady diet of wine & chocolate, anything else made me sick. This was a factor in Samyson leaving school a year early, luckily he was accepted into uni early and is doing really well. Siobhan is stuck at the school with the F'd up kid which has thrown up a whole lot of challenges. 

I don't know what the other family involved were advised but we were advised not to discuss the matter with anyone, including each other. Way to add stress!! Those that I did tell were a huge strength and without them I am not sure I could have coped, the support and belief in his innocence got me through some pretty bad days. 

We were lucky inasmuch we found a fantastic lawyer (he & his staff were amazing, I would leave his office and actually feel better, despite any setbacks), we had enough money saved to pay for the initial fees (in the hope that the Crown would see there was no merit to their case) and enough equity in the house and reasonable incomes enough increase the mortgage for the $ 30,000 we needed to prove innocence - oh and BTW, we don't get anything back despite the whole case being a sham and even the original Police Officer involved after the verdict was delivered, gave us his condolences and said he was sorry we had to go through all that. 

Gary's family know and have been a support, during one of Gary's major meltdowns, I ended up on the phone with his family and they were amazing and I don't know that they realise how much I needed that conversation, Paul especially. He also phoned Samyson that same night and that support was the boost we all needed at the time.

Our friend Sue was one of the few people I told and she was unwavering in her support, to the point of taking time off work to come to court, which for the most part meant spending 3 days sitting outside the courtroom because we were not allowed in for the complainants evidence. Not only that but her friends and family had us in their prayers, these are people who know us only briefly but knowing that we had that support was a huge comfort.

We thought that as soon as the case was over, that would be the end of it but in actual fact, after living with this hanging over our heads for 16 months, it is kind of weird, there is a calmness and a relaxed atmosphere but almost like there is something wrong or missing. Even though we tried not to let it affect us or even permeate our thoughts unless we had to, it was always there, sometimes moreso than others. The anger and desire for revenge is gone, just a relief it is over for us, unfortunately not so much I suspect for the other family, I think their problems are only going to get worse - still - I can recommend a great criminal lawyer. 

 

  

More to worry about!!!

Samyson found a lump on his leg a couple of weeks ago and asked me to make a Doctors appointment to get it checked out. So off we went today, she took one look at it and said it is irregular shaped and she thinks it should be removed and tested ASAP.

We now have to wait a month for the surgeons appointment to have it removed (they will call us if it anything comes up sooner).

As if the kid doesn't have enough on his plate at the moment, I am not sure how he is going to cope with this, so far he is OK today but he was pretty down last night.

I will break the news Gary tonight.

EDIT: Lump removed, surgeon 99.9% sure it is nothing serious that the cells have killed themselves off and it is likely to have been a burst vessel. He is sending away for analysis just in case.

He was pretty sore that night, he had a show, I didn't realise they were doing Wednesdays. He has to move a lot of set and lift one of the other actors, he looked pretty miserable by the time I picked him up. Painkillers can only go so far. Luckily he didn't split his stitches or get blood on any of his costumes.