The last 2 years we have had the court case hanging over our heads through Christmas New Year, I was looking forward to a stress free time this year, until I had a call from my parents in Christchurch - Mum has been diagnosed with bowel cancer!!! From what they have said, the prognosis is good, she has just started 5 1/2 weeks of radiation combined with chemotherapy (in a pill, didn't even know that was a thing). Once that is over she has a few weeks to get her strength & immune system a break then has an operation to remove what ever is left.
I am trying not to dwell on it and keep positive but it scares me, a lot. I have said I will go down to Christchurch to help out when she has the operation and either me or one of the kids an go down if she gets too ill from the treatments to help out with the cooking & cleaning etc as Dad is working and also, not his strong point, never having to actually do it himself.
In other news, I finally bought new batteries for my bathroom scales, that was a wake up call - time to stop deluding myself - I AM FAT!!! At 5'2" my weight should not start with a 9 (or an 8 or really even a 7). I have started cutting down portion sizes, halved my wine intake and conceded that maybe, just maybe devouring 2 large bars of chocolate a week is not going to help me lose or even maintain my weight - no shit Sherlock.
I have very few clothes that fit me and for a really good wake up call, I went shopping for togs with Siobhan last week. She found a lovely pair, looked good and so her decision made. Me on the other hand, if I could actually squeeze myself into a pair, there was no way they were going to fit. The ones that actually did get on me, they were all way too small in the boob area, I ended up leaving with nothing, I had to get out of there as I was so close to tears it wasn't funny. We got to the check out & I assumed Siobhan's togs were a similar price to most of the others, around $ 80 but because they were the "Nancy Gantz" ones, they were .... $ 179!!! I was mortified, but I was also so close to losing the plot & bursting into tears I just paid it & got the hell out of there - got in the car & cried all the way home.
Needless to say, things need to change. I know there is no point doing anything drastic, from experience, I last maybe 2-3 days before I revert to type. I need to make small changes & stick at it. Before Christmas Gary & I had started going for walks around the block, he is back at work today so we will start doing that again. I know WHAT I have to do, I just need to bloody well do it. There is no point blubbering about it and not changing my habits because that won't help me lose weight, not eating & drinking too much - THAT will help me lose weight, getting off my fat arse more will also move things along.
My goals for January:
- lose 2 kilos
- drink at least 1.5l water each day
- walk around the block at lest 3 times a week
- tidy out the hall cupboard
- sort out and file the insane piles of paper (credit card statements etc) lying around
- pay extra off my credit card & the GEM visa card this month (my aim is to have both of those cleared completely by the end of the year).
I will try & blog on a regular basis to keep myself accountable.
Starting weight on 1 January - 91.7kg. I will do my measurements today also so it will help measure progress. If I can work out how, I will do an online graph showing (hopefully) my progress. I know I will have the kids & Gary's support, I just need to ask for it, and to tell them what I want to achieve.