The last 2 years we have had the court case hanging over our heads through Christmas New Year, I was looking forward to a stress free time this year, until I had a call from my parents in Christchurch - Mum has been diagnosed with bowel cancer!!! From what they have said, the prognosis is good, she has just started 5 1/2 weeks of radiation combined with chemotherapy (in a pill, didn't even know that was a thing). Once that is over she has a few weeks to get her strength & immune system a break then has an operation to remove what ever is left.
I am trying not to dwell on it and keep positive but it scares me, a lot. I have said I will go down to Christchurch to help out when she has the operation and either me or one of the kids an go down if she gets too ill from the treatments to help out with the cooking & cleaning etc as Dad is working and also, not his strong point, never having to actually do it himself.
In other news, I finally bought new batteries for my bathroom scales, that was a wake up call - time to stop deluding myself - I AM FAT!!! At 5'2" my weight should not start with a 9 (or an 8 or really even a 7). I have started cutting down portion sizes, halved my wine intake and conceded that maybe, just maybe devouring 2 large bars of chocolate a week is not going to help me lose or even maintain my weight - no shit Sherlock.
I have very few clothes that fit me and for a really good wake up call, I went shopping for togs with Siobhan last week. She found a lovely pair, looked good and so her decision made. Me on the other hand, if I could actually squeeze myself into a pair, there was no way they were going to fit. The ones that actually did get on me, they were all way too small in the boob area, I ended up leaving with nothing, I had to get out of there as I was so close to tears it wasn't funny. We got to the check out & I assumed Siobhan's togs were a similar price to most of the others, around $ 80 but because they were the "Nancy Gantz" ones, they were .... $ 179!!! I was mortified, but I was also so close to losing the plot & bursting into tears I just paid it & got the hell out of there - got in the car & cried all the way home.
Needless to say, things need to change. I know there is no point doing anything drastic, from experience, I last maybe 2-3 days before I revert to type. I need to make small changes & stick at it. Before Christmas Gary & I had started going for walks around the block, he is back at work today so we will start doing that again. I know WHAT I have to do, I just need to bloody well do it. There is no point blubbering about it and not changing my habits because that won't help me lose weight, not eating & drinking too much - THAT will help me lose weight, getting off my fat arse more will also move things along.
My goals for January:
- lose 2 kilos
- drink at least 1.5l water each day
- walk around the block at lest 3 times a week
- tidy out the hall cupboard
- sort out and file the insane piles of paper (credit card statements etc) lying around
- pay extra off my credit card & the GEM visa card this month (my aim is to have both of those cleared completely by the end of the year).
I will try & blog on a regular basis to keep myself accountable.
Starting weight on 1 January - 91.7kg. I will do my measurements today also so it will help measure progress. If I can work out how, I will do an online graph showing (hopefully) my progress. I know I will have the kids & Gary's support, I just need to ask for it, and to tell them what I want to achieve.
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6 comments:
Good luck - now is the time to start. I hope your Mum gets better, sounds positive.
I know the feeling about buying a swimsuit - I had flashbacks reading your experience. I could never buy a swimsuit before I had a breast reduction (2007). Never, ever. Not even from the shop that sells them for big breasted ladies! Now it's a breeze and I own about 6 pairs of togs! I keep some at the beach house and some at home.
I hope this year goes well for you.
Tracy I know you will do this. I understand how you are feeling about your Mum and I am sure with all this support and getting in to treatment so fast she will do well.
Lets have a fantastic year ahead.
Love CM
Sending your family positive thoughts for your mum. Good luck with your goals:-) Baby steps. I'm thinking about blogging again - finally feeling positive and into looking after myself. Mmm - I've got the big boobs - but love the water, always have found swimsuits that fit at the couple of local pools. Anne - Palmy
Hi Tracy
How did your day go today? I hope it was a good one.
Love CM
My mum was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer in the summer of 2000. Like you I was scared to death she was going to die... but if caught early enough bowel cancer is one of the easiest to recover from.
My Mum had a big surgery to remove the tumor, then chemo for 6 months (intravenous) and she recovered.
She is now 16 years later and doing just GREAT, so hang in there, it may be just fine after your Mum's surgery and chemo too.
Yes it is scary, and making it worse is the distance between you, but if you all rally around her and your Dad, you will get through it. Life throws these things at us and we just have to cope.
try not to let it affect your health, says someone who is stuffing chocolate down her gob to cope! Derrrr.
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